Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Latest Chapter

"Better Terms." The name itself signifies its connection to "Coming to Terms…" That place where I was literally reborn. Pulled out of the womb of my own head. Through a tiny keyhole, brought forth into a larger world. Waiting for me in that world was a family that welcomed me, nurtured me, encouraged me, admonished me. I was never an outgoing, exuberant child; didn’t throw my arms around every family member, close or distant, I came into contact with. I had my favorites, and I stuck with them. Maybe a little too closely for anyone’s ultimate comfort…

But we have been graduated from that place. Not an event we foresaw or desired, but it happened nevertheless. Our "parents" redecorated our rooms, perhaps a trifle prematurely? To encourage us to get out there and try our wings? So, we flew. Though some of us had to get kicked several times before we finally fell out of the nest…

Graduations…rites of passage. We sally forth with the best intentions of keeping in touch with our "bosom-buddies;" our soul-mates. The special circle of friends whose love and support seem as essential to our lives as breathing. But after a season or two of new directions, new people, different dreams…those bonds dry up and crumble away. It happens in the "real world." Why should the virtual world be any different? What does it take to create a truly life-long bond? Hard enough to find in the realm of flesh and blood. Maybe impossible in the ether. For me, anyway. Come so late to this world, perhaps I crave something that it cannot give. But I can’t seem to stop looking…

So, "Better Terms" is the next step. How will it differ from "Coming to Terms…?" I don’t know. I’m fresh off the bus, here. Haven’t even decided which way to walk yet. The only decision I have made is that this will not be "Coming to Terms…" I will not carry the baggage of every moment of my previous virtual life with me on the next leg of the journey. I will keep the words, of course. Most of my posts started life as "Word" documents, copied and pasted into my journal, so I don’t face the horrendous job of downloading and saving them. I already have them. "Coming to Terms" is the story of a finite time and place, and at the appropriate time, will be "put to bed" with my other journals—like the story of my sister’s final illness and death, and the journal I kept when Dad left us, and the explosion of our family that followed. Life’s lessons on paper. Saved…for what? I don’t know. Just to let someone know I was here, when I am no longer?

Ultimately, I don’t know if this new chapter will be short, long, the beginning, middle, or end. I have no idea where it is going, or where I am going. I hope for a next next chapter…a place where my writing will really come into its own. Ideally, that would make "Better Terms" a very short transition point. Then again, writing in this larger, harsher, more anonymous world may just discourage me to the point of stuffing me back inside my own head, never to be publicly heard from again. That, too, would make "Better Terms" a short chapter…a swan song. Wherever it takes me, it doesn’t feel like somewhere I’m going to be for a long time.

Then again, I just got here. I may find something totally unexpected, something that keeps me here, thriving and growing, for a long time. (Historically, that has not been how my life has unfolded; but, what the hell, there’s always a first time…) I thought I had found that something special at "Coming to Terms…." But it ended. And not because I was done with it. Que sera sera. The world will have its way. What’s the use, in the end, of making plans at all?

15 comments:

kas said...

I think you will like it here. It's hard to really know until you're here for a while, I guess. And I think it depends on what you want here...if you're looking for a new audience or if you are content to simply write and welcome anyone who stumbles in. I think that's the best way to approach things because I know that you would write anyway, with or without an audience, just like me.

JACKIE said...

Well. I've managed to catch up with you. Lookin' good. I haven't figured out how to get alerts from this one, but that's ok. I know where to find you. LOL

Jackie

alphawoman said...

Very poignant entry. AOL-J land is going to miss you.

alphawoman said...

Very poignant entry. AOL-J land is going to miss you.

Cynthia said...

I'm enjoying it here. You mentioned that you thought that my writing had kicked up a notch lately, and I think it's the freedom I've found in moving the blog here. I feel like I'm just writing to write again. It feels like it did when blogs were new to all of us. I think there are going to be phases in blogging, like everything else, and I know I'm in a new phase I can't describe yet. Any way, do what you enjoy here, ignore what you don't, and we can cuss about HTML together.

Carol said...

::::Handing you a bouquet of flowers as you step of the bus:::::

Carol

~ Lori said...

Welcome. Sounds like the sort ob business decision I need to make too. I'm still between both AOL & blogger, but thinking I may take the plunge and leave too now that I'm figuring out all the features over here. I'm glad you have decided to continue writing. You have a wonderful gift.

ckays1967 said...

What I really like about blogger is the save draft feature...I still have about half of my journal saved and unposted....plus you can save and post ahead. Like for special occasions.

I hope this blog finally brings you peace and because it is open to the big bad world I hope that it actually brings even more people to your door step.

You are a lovely soul Lisa. You deserve to be treasured.

I'll beat up anyone who thinks otherwise becuase I am sassy.


xxooxxoo

Christina

Annie said...

Got here at last. Welcome to the new world Lisa. It may seem daunting but knowing that you can write freely without big daddy AOL inhibiting you, is really good for the soul.

Paul said...

psst...Lisa, that's 'rites' of passage.

Lisa :-] said...

Damn, Paul...I'm SO embarrassed, anal retentive spelling harpy that I am...

Gannet Girl said...

Paul, Lisa knows where semi-colons and apostrophe sssseeeesssss go. And where commas don't. I don't think you should give her a hard time about a typo.

gigi said...

Oh, Lisa ~ how you do go on. Relax, darlin'. It's just a change of URL.

Welcome to the dark side! ;)

clarity4today said...

Well, Lisa, you can think of "Coming to Terms" as another chapter, as you say. But the chapters don't have to be distinctly different unless you want them to be. If you were happy with the kind of writing you did over there, then I see no reason to think you wouldn't find an audience doing the same thing here. Obviously, you have some fans!

Marcy said...

Lisa, your words are beautiful. Sounds to me like your new enviroment will allow your to blossom.To Grow. To Be.