Ago. For the longest time, my whole life, everything vital or important, was “ago.” Twenty years ago…
Twenty years ago today, I was a little more than two months from embarking upon the most successful enterprise of my life. The one that would take fully two more years to develop into the experience of a lifetime.
I was thirty-one years old. I thought I was mature. I thought I was experienced. I thought I knew so much.
Funny how, now, I look at thirty-one-year-olds and think of them as “kids.” Young. Callow. Green.
I would have been pissed, back in 1986, to find out that someone thought that of me.
Yet, la plus ca change, la plus c’est la meme.
I am fifty-one years old. And embarking upon what I hope to be the most successful enterprise of my life. So far.
The bags under my eyes, the shooting pains in my feet, the aching joints in my fingers, have me wondering whether I yet possess the physical stamina to get me through the fourteen-hour days, the ninety-degree heat…the demands that a thirty-year-old body could meet with alacrity, but a fifty-year-old body struggles to conquer.
Are the blessings that I seek from this new venture really too much for this more-than-half-used life-force to hope to attain?
I cannot believe that. I won’t.
But when I drag myself into bed after too many consecutive hours of putting out fires and walking tightropes over boiling oil, I wonder, at least briefly:
Is it worth it?
There can only be one answer.