Yes, I snagged a new template. Not one of the fancier ones I’ve seen out there (which I find I am technologically challenged enough not to be able to utilize…) But I just had to brighten things up around here a little bit.
This past week has been…well, the only word I can settle on to describe it is dark. The weather has continued to be 90% hideous, abounding in pelting rain, charcoal gray skies, and general gloom. And over the weekend, I descended into the pit of suffering and despair that accompanies a major dental crisis. There is nothing quite like the excruciating pain of an infected molar, especially when one waits three days "to see if it will get better on its own" before one breaks down and calls a dentist. By the time I was reclining under the hypodermics in the seat of torture, I was literally ready to blow my own head off, if it meant relief from the agony. I know this sound melodramatic, but that’s exactly the space I was in.
So, this dental incident, on top of my post-holiday gloom and my disastrous "seeking" episode, have served to push me right to, if not over, the edge of a major depression episode. My life has been a continuous dance along the rim of that crevasse, but I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in…at least not too far. I’ve always at least been able to haul my ass out of bed in the morning, shower, fix my hair, maybe put on some make-up, and go through the motions of life. Since coming home from the dentist Tuesday afternoon, I seem to have suffered a complete melt-down. I’ve taken mostly to my bed and hibernated for the last three days. I don’t feel that sick...just extremely sorry for myself. I feel myself sinking…
In an effort to stop the slide, I knew I had to change the colors of this journal to something a little easier on the eyes. All that black was like tuning into the bottom of the pit. This template is called "Sunburnt," I think. Which is what I wish I was, right now.